Squatters v. Sitters

Here's a rant I've been wanting to have for quite a bit. It concerns public women's bathrooms and in-stall behavior that distresses me. See, I believe that there are two types of women (though my good friend, S, disagrees. More in a sec.): Squatters and Sitters. Squatters, who for hygiene or other nefarious reasons, think that rear-ends shouldn't touch public toilets. I even met a woman once who squatted in her own bathroom. Regardless of the reason, squatters squat over the holes in public toilets to do their business. Sitters, on the other hand, sit on the toilet seats.

Many of you can probably work out the problem (or you are a sitter who has intimately encountered the problem). Because women's anatomy doesn't have built-in aiming devices, there is inevitably a "splash" effect that comes back to haunt Sitters. This splash is one of the reason why so many women become Squatters in the first place. But really, people, some women cannot physically squat over a toilet to do their business. They are forced to sit due to physical handicap or poor leg strength. Squatters ruin public bathrooms for Sitters.

Now, my friend S, claims there are really two kinds of Squatters: neat and sloppy. She, so she claims, is a neat Squatter who doesn't splash. Of course, she will claim this. It is impossible to prove what kind of Squatter a person is, unless all toilets are assessed before and after each user.

There are many solutions to this very real problem. One is to have separate stalls for Sitters and Squatters. I think Squatters shouldn't even have toilet seats, seeing as they don't use them. This is not an ideal situation, however, because, without a monitoring device, there is no guarantee that Squatters will not use the Sitters' stall in an emergency. Another solution is to convince Squatters to flip up the seat while they do their business, thus negating the possibility of splashing onto the seat. This is also not ideal because most Squatters squat because of germ issues. Having them deal with the lid of a toilet would probably be beyond their ability. Perhaps a button that could be activated by the foot that lifts and lowers the lid? That technology might be easy enough to install and would save quite a bit of heartache (as well as wet asses). Doorless stalls might also work to shame women into peeing neatly, but as a Sitter, I don't want to have people watch me do my business.

I really belive that this is the next big issue in women's bathrooms. Now that sports stadiums and office buildings have more women's restrooms than men's, we now need to focus on ways in which all women can use the facilities comfortably, heathfully and happily.