Finishing

I am not a closer. I have a horrible tendency to start things, get them about half done and then stop and move onto another project. I've even starting doing this with books, and I never want to return to the books later because I can't remember what happened. I went through my magazines a couple of weeks ago, and I found that I had started reading about a third of them but never finished.

Two glaring examples of this lack of finishing are really starting to bother me. Recreationally, I have four cross-stitch projects in various stages of completion. The oldest was started in November 2007, another was started probably in the summer of 2008, the third began in March 2010 and the final piece was started last Tuesday (April 27, 2010).

More seriously, I have four journal-length manuscripts in various stages of readiness that I haven't sent out. Two were previously submitted journals and rejected, and I just haven't made the time to fix them up and send them out again. My career depends on me getting these and other articles published, yet they languish on my desk for months and months.

Why don't I finish what I start? This is actually a difficult question to answer. I think I get bored of my stitching projects, or I don't work on them very often so I don't feel as if I'll ever finish them. I have hope about new projects so I take them up enthusiastically and believe that I'll fly right through them. Then, I get bored with them and want to move on. I've already promised to start a new project for a friend, but he is wisely not giving me the pattern for the project since I have so many others to finish. Thus, I can't move off my current project (two of my current projects are for others) and onto the bright, shiny new one.

Why don't I finish my manuscripts? Part of the problem is that I know they'll be rejected (rejection is the modal category) so I'm discouraged before I start. Part of me worries that my writing is terrible or my ideas are uninteresting and I don't want that confirmed by my field. Part of me (a mostly secret part) is not even sure I want to stay at a research university. If I don't publish, I will be fired, but if I'm fired, I can pursue a job at a college/university with less of an emphasis on research, and maybe I'll be happier. Here's the problem, though: especially at this time of year, I hate my students and I wish I didn't have to deal with them. If I moved to a teaching institution, that's all I'd do. And I'm not actually that bad at research. I especially love collaboration. So, the trick is to remind myself that I need to at least give this life the old college try and have the option of staying or going.

So, I'm trying to pursue a new strategy that schedules time to write during the day and push some manuscripts out the door, and schedule some time in the evening to work on my various projects. If I can write two hours a day and stitch one hour a day, I can get a lot accomplished in both realms in a relatively short period of time. This still leaves plenty of time to exercise (2 hours/day), sleep (7-8 hours), and deal with all the other responsibilities of life and work. Some days I'll write more than scheduled, and some days I'll stitch more, but I'm going to try very hard not to do less. I'd like to start the stitching part of the plan this Thursday and the writing plan next Monday (I have a lot of grading this week). I bought a planner, and I'm penciling in the time when I'll focus on these things. I feel capable and motivated to do this. I really, really hope I can make it last.