Weigh-in Day

Bleh! Today is weigh-in day.

My best friend, Susan, and I are trying to motivate each other to lose weight and so we've engaged in many a challenge to see who can post the best weight loss numbers. We post our weight every Monday, and because we're both uber-competitive, we want to beat each other so badly that we stick to our health and fitness plans. Until the boy-induced depression/sadness crap. I've gained about 20 pounds since this time last year, and today I topped the scale at 211.5 pounds. That's humiliating, but it's got to stop.

I was in IL with some amazing runner chicks this weekend, and they LOOKED like runner chicks. I, on the other hand, not only looked bad but felt bad too. I will never have a runner's physique, even if I lost 60, 70, or 80 pounds. I'm just not built that way. Still, I wanted to feel more confident when I was with them, and I didn't. And when I uploaded the pictures off my camera today, I felt even worse. I have bad posture which didn't help the cause, but I was embarrassed by how bad I looked. People who love me don't care how I look, but it's hard for me to love myself when I treat my body so badly.

I recently got into Glee and tonight I watched the last episode, "Home". One of the story lines was about Mercedes having to lose 10 pounds to stay on the Cheerios squad and how bad she felt about herself because she was struggling to lose the weight. She sang Christina Aguilera's "Beautiful" and it really touched a chord in me. I want to be able to sing that song and mean it.

I am beautiful, no matter what they say

Words can't bring me down.

I am beautiful in every single way.

Yes, words can bring me down,

So don't you bring me down today.

I need desperately to stop being the person saying the hurtful words to myself. So, today, despite the crappy weigh-in, I went to the grocery store and stocked up on fruits and vegetables and yummy, healthy snacks. I will go running tomorrow and I will do a p90x video. I can do this, and I'll see myself as beautiful, both inside and out.